


Our Fathers, Ourselves

by lucifel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo grew up in a relatively functional family, Boys with Daddy Issues, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, In which the author attempts to romcom it, M/M, Melodramatic assholes in love, Misunderstandings, Murder, Soppy, by which I mean Han Solo is a functioning alcoholic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-13 20:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifel/pseuds/lucifel
Summary: For seven years, Ben Organa has been perfectly happy with his imperfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the senator from Arkanis suddenly dies, Ben is forced to confront the possibility that Hux is with him for all the wrong reasons.(Lightside AU in which Leia politics,  Ben has no chill, and Hux is still a power hungry murderer with a spoiled cat.)





	1. Chapter 1

Someone had dimmed the lights in the reception hall. With the press, the dignitaries, and the social climbers gone, there was no longer any need to light the wedding guests for the cameras. It was, Ben thought, much better this way. Luke and Mara hadn’t wanted a big to-do – not when they’d already had thirty years and four kids together – but Leia had insisted and Leia almost always got what she wanted. So it was only now, nearly a whole cycle since this madness had begun, that they could celebrate in earnest.

Without the hungry eyes of a Hero obsessed galaxy watching, Ben’s uncle Luke seemed, at last, to be enjoying his own wedding; laughing at the antics of his various students and egging Rey and Finn on as they attempted to lead Chewy through what might have been a waltz.

“About damn time.” Ben said to no one in particular. Weddings were meant to be for families after all - not those vultures from the gossip channels.

“Here, here.” Beside him, Ben’s father raised his (seventh? eighth?) whiskey and toasted Ben sloppily before downing it in one go. Ben knew he hadn’t spoken aloud and wondered what his father was toasting. “Never thought I’d see the day Luke of all the fucking people.” Ah. That.

Ben turned and took his father’s glass, drinking the dregs before Han could get to it. Han didn’t complain, just leaned heavily into his son. “And now I owe your mother a month’s worth of diaper duty. Did uh – did she leave already?”

Ben winced. No doubt his parents had made that bet back when Ben still needed diapers. Han always got a little nostalgic when he was forced to see Leia in person. But both his parents had been on their best behavior tonight and Ben had sat dutifully between them during both the ceremony and the formal part of the reception. He was quite proud of all three of them for surviving it without making a scene.

“Yeah Dad, she left with the other senators.” Ben said.

“Oh.” Han said glumly, and they returned to watching the dancers.

Mara had been enticed away from Luke’s side– and while she wasn’t much good at dancing, she could manage hopping on one foot and leading the youngest Padawans in what looked like a tickle attack against Admiral Holdo. Her hair, now equal parts silver and red, caught the light just so, and Ben sighed wistfully.

A sigh his father caught.

“So where’s your own red head tonight?” Han asked shrewdly.

Ben shrugged. “You know what Hux is like.”

Han snorted. “Yeah. I do.” He signaled a waiter over and took a drink for himself and one for Ben. “Just like your mom, that one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Han gestured at the room. “You see your mom here?”

“No.”

“Exactly.”

Ben gave his father a puzzled frown. “Huh?” It was possible Han had drunk more than Ben thought. He wondered if he should mind trick the man into swapping his whiskey out for water instead.

“Your Mother – .” Han’s finger was not exactly steady in front of Ben’s face. “Always put her _Mission_ above everything. Destroy the Death Star. Save the Galaxy. Get Colblie to vote down the import tariff on Green Milk from outer rim planets,” Han made an expansive gesture, “and so on. Everything else first. Love of her life third.” Han made a slightly alarmed face. “You were one of the everything else. Luke came second.”

Ben allowed Han to pat him reassuringly on the head. In moments like this, he was exceedingly glad he’d allowed Hux to talk him into seeing that therapist all those years ago. “Mom didn’t love her job more than you Dad.” He reminded Han. “She just… wasn’t right for you.”

Han Solo gave his son a familiar stare.

“And Hux isn’t like that.”

“Oh really?”

“He isn’t!”

“So why isn’t he here?”

Ben didn’t answer. Hux never came out to things without a formal invite from Leia herself. He was very particular about Family Events. Han knew that.

“See?” Han said knowingly. “Job first.”

“Dad -.”

“Kid, I can count the number of times I’ve seen you and him out in public together on one hand.”

“Mom said to avoid the Paparrazi!”

“One. Hand. And that? That, buddy, is either a man who puts his job first or one who’s using you for sex and -.” Han stopped. Paused. Turned. And threw up directly onto the floor. 

_Definitely more than eight drinks_. Ben thought.

*

As he made his way home that night, Ben mulled over his father’s drunken ramblings. He really _had_ missed Hux’s presence today, but Hux was always so formal in public anyway. And Hux was busy. In seven years, he’d gone from a Junior Weapon’s Developer at Gyrhil to running his own – incredibly lucrative - defense firm. That took work. And time. And dedication. Ben, who lacked both ambition and any kind of an attention span, admired that about him.

Han had a point though, Ben thought as he walked into the (rather oversized) home they shared, they should try to spend more time together outside the house. “Hux?” He called as he pulled his dress shoes off in the front entryway. “You home?” And as he expected, there was no answer. The house was too big for Hux to hear the front door from his office, but Ben still called the greeting whenever he got home.

Holding the plate of cake Mara had insisted he take in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other, Ben padded slowly down the hall in socked feet.

Hux loved cake.

As Ben predicted, Hux was in his office, shouting loudly at someone on a Holo call. Loud enough to be heard from outside the door. Ben smiled at the passion in his voice, raising the champagne bottle so he could knock. Then froze as he processed what he was hearing.

“Luke. Fuking. Skywalker. Phasma!” Hux was all but screaming. “Even Luke fucking Skywalker managed to get it together enough to get married! There’s no way Ben’s going to come home from this wedding and be just fucking fine with the way things are! He’s going to notice. He’s going to notice that I -. That we -.”

“Calm down darling.”

“Calm down? _Calm down?_ How am I supposed to calm down? It’s been SEVEN years. What if – What if he comes back and suggests we get married right now? What if he -? You know how impatient he is. What am I supposed to do then Phas?”

“Well you could always marry him.”

Hux laughed. Dry. A little hysterical. It was the sound he made when he wanted to deride a subordinate’s particularly stupid idea and Ben felt the bottom drop out of his stomach at the sound.

“Yeah.” Hux said. “Sure. I could _marry_ him. Tomorrow even. Father would love that.”

Phasma made a tisking noise.

Hux sighed. He must have been standing, pacing even, as Ben heard him fall into the cushioned chair at his desk. In his mind’s eye, Ben could see Hux dropping his head into his hands. “Phas,” he said in a low voice, “what if he _doesn’t_ come home wanting to get married? “

“Well, if he’s finally sick of you using him for his Mother’s contacts I promise I’ve got all sorts of eligible bachelors who’d line up to meet you.”

Ben turned and left before he could hear any more, using the force to silence his already quiet footsteps. _She’s joking_. Ben thought. _She must be._

In the kitchen, Ben dropped both cake and Champagne onto the counter – willing himself not to smash either item by grabbing drinking glasses and throwing those against the floor instead. 

They shattered loudly enough that Hux’s office door opened not long after. “Ben?” Hux called, walking down the hallway. “Is that you?” Ben didn’t bother to reply, he couldn’t face his boyfriend just now.

Quietly, before Hux could see him, Ben slipped out of their kitchen and down the hall that led to his meditation room. Hux would want to ask him about the wedding and yell at him about the broken glasses but Ben couldn’t deal with that right now. Not tonight. Tonight, he just wanted to sleep off the Whiskey. Alone.

He could deal with everything else in the morning.

*

In the morning, Ben felt like an idiot.

Han had always projected his insecurities onto Ben, he’d done so Ben’s entire life. And Phasma wouldn’t be Phasma if she didn’t make off color jokes. And when Ben played Hux and Phasma’s conversation over in his head, Hux had sounded… well, to be sure he had sounded panicked about the idea of Ben wanting to get married. But, on the other hand, he’d sounded equally panicked about the idea of Ben *not* wanting to get married. So… maybe he did want to get married. Just… not right now? Either way, it made no sense. They were good as they were. Ben didn’t care about labels - Hux knew that. They already shared a home and a life (just like Luke and Mara had). Ben didn’t need one of his mom’s over elaborate parties to announce it to the world.

Whatever. They would no doubt have to talk about it after Ben apologized for breaking those glasses and sleeping in his meditation room. Ben didn’t mind. Hux preferred his apologies in the form of enthusiastic blowjobs. And Ben was good at those.

Except, when he arrived in their bedroom, he found that there was no one home to apologize to.

*

Han Solo answered his holo on Ben’s sixth attempt at calling him. Han was hungover, shirtless, and his hair stuck straight up on one side. He looked more or less exactly how Ben was accustomed to seeing him.

"I messed up.” Ben said to his squinting, half awake father. “I threw a tantrum and I messed up and now he’s gone home to Arkanis so what do I do?”

Han burped.

“DAD!”

Han ducked. Once upon a time, before Ben had learned to control his force powers, his yelling at Han had usually resulted in bruises and concussions.

“What… what are you talking about? And what’s that… thing you’re holding.” Ben sighed, wondering if Chewy could be talked into helping him convince Han to wear spectacles.

“It’s just Millie.” Ben said, hugging Hux’s giant orange tabby tighter to him. He needed the comfort right now. Curled up alone on the bed he usually shared with Hux, Ben needed to believe that if Hux left Millie behind then it meant he was coming back. “And I’m talking about Hux. I got mad last night because I heard him talking to Phasma and she said he was just using me for Mom’s contacts and I broke some stuff in the kitchen and then when I got up this morning Hux was gone.”

“Gone?” Han asked. It was possible he was concerned. It was more likely he wasn't following Ben’s near hysterical chatter. “Did he leave a note?”

“Yeah. Said he needed to straighten out a supplier issue on Arkanis.”

“Does he have suppliers on Arkanis?”

Ben thought about it. “…Yes.”

“There you go then.”

“Dad!”

“Look, Kid, I don’t know what you want me to tell you. That boy of yours is all work and no play and if you’re mad at him because he’s using you or your mom or whatever then that’s your right.”

Which wasn’t the point at all. Except… except Han wasn’t drunk any more, and he still appeared to think that… that Hux was using him. Just like Phasma.  
  
Ben curled up tighter around Millie, “You really think he’s using me?”

Through the holo, Han gave him a look.

“Son,” Han said gently, “have you ever met any of his family? Or his friends?”

“I’ve met Phasma.” Ben answered immediately.

Han kept giving him that look. This, Ben knew, was what Han did when was trying to break something to his son gently. Ben exhaled shakily.

Han was right. He’d never met any of Hux’s friends *other* than Phasma. And his one interaction with Hux’s dad had involved Brendol sneering in Ben’s general direction in the main Senate building on Hosnian Prime six years ago. Hux had reacted to that sneer by dropping Ben’s hand and scurrying after his father. The only part of the ensuing conversation Ben had caught had been Brendol’s disgusted. “Very well. If you have to.”

And that had been that.

Ben had tried, once or twice, to ask Hux about it but Hux had brushed it off with a comment about the man being conservative and disliking public displays of affection. And it seemed true enough since Hux had never held Ben’s hand in public again.

“Look – kid,” Han began. But whatever he was about to say was cut off by a string of cursing. Of _female_ cursing. Of _familiar_ female cursing.

“… is that _Mom_?” Ben asked in disbelief .

Han didn’t reply - he just terminated the connection. So, yes, that _had_ been Ben’s mom.

Ben threw his data pad onto his nightstand and buried his face in Millie’s back. “It’s ok Millie.” Ben said, “Calling Dad was a stupid idea anyway.” He sighed. “Hux’ll come back.”

He would.

He had to.

He was just on a business trip. Hux took business trips all the time

From the other night stand, _Hux's_ datapad beeped twice with an incoming message. Hux would never leave his datapad behind on a business trip. With two quick swipes, Ben unlocked the device and read the incoming message. 

_Don't worry about things at the office. Enjoy your vacation. - Mitaka._  
  
Ben dropped the device like it had burned him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux didn’t come back the next day, or the day after that. By his fourth morning of waking with only Millie for company, Ben was forced to admit that he needed to leave the house or he’d drive himself crazy.

Ben had thought of nothing but Hux for three days straight, dissecting every interaction they’d had in the lead up to Luke’s wedding. He could find nothing, not even peripherally, to indicate that Hux was _one little tantrum_ away from leaving him. Nothing. Breaking those glasses and refusing to sleep in their room hadn’t even been a _real_ tantrum. And Hux knew Ben wasn’t good at controlling his temper. _He knew_. So why had he left?

Hux had always told plenty of little lies: from denying the lifts in his shoes on their first date to pretending he hated Ben’s gift of Millicent the kitten on their third. Like Ben’s temper, Hux’s instinct to lie was simply an accepted facet of their lives. It had never bothered Ben before because the lies had always been so transparent; either an obvious cover for hurt pride or a poor attempt at hiding a vulnerability. This _vacation_ of his, however, was different. It was an entirely _unnecessary_ lie and Ben couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was different because it signaled a tectonic shift of some kind. Like Hux being done with him.

So, as he always did when he didn’t want to think, Ben flew to the (recently rebuilt) Jedi Academy on Ossus where Rey could boss him around for a few hours.

“What did he do now?” She asked the second Ben walked up to her. Scowling protectively as if she could feel the turmoil Ben was in.

“He went on vacation.” Ben said, handing Millie’s carrier to her, “I don’t want to talk about it.” So Rey set him to chopping wood.

Ben’s relationship with Rey was a strange thing. They’d met leaving Jakku some five years ago. Rey had been sleeping in the hold of an antique Gauntlet Fighter when Ben had stolen it – thus accidentally kidnapping her. In retaliation, Rey had done a spectacular job of sabotaging the engines and leaving them both stranded in space. For the three days it had taken Han to find and rescue them, they’d fought a pitched battle in the fighter’s limited living area; somehow becoming fast friends between bleeding on each other’s weapons and sharing Ben’s meager rations.

Over time, Ben had discovered that Rey was a strong enough force user that he didn’t have to hold himself back around her and she became a friend of the sort he’d secretly desired since early childhood. A peer. And he’d taken no small amount of pleasure in revealing to her that his media persona, (that of a spoiled ne’er do well who passed the time podracing antique junkheaps), was simply a cover. Ben enjoyed rebuilding racers and made a pretty penny doing it, but he only raced in dubious backwaters all over the galaxy so he could secretly deliver sensitive messages for his mother and uncle.

Rey was also, Ben was forced to admit, far cleverer than him. So when she told him to go chop wood, he went and chopped wood.

Wood wasn’t necessary for fuel at the academy, nor did they use it to build. But the forests around the academy were vast and Luke had learned the hard way that angry teenagers needed outlets for their emotions. Rey continued the tradition. By the time night fell, Ben had chopped enough wood for Rey and the other instructors to throw a bon fire.

“So do you want to talk about it yet?” Rey asked when she finally made her way around the fire pit to his side.

“No.” Ben said, gathering her close and tucking his chin over her head like she was a human shaped Millie.

“Really?” She asked.

“Really.” He said.

Rey rolled her eyes but let him hold her in silence. “I’ve never liked him you know.” She said after a while. “He’s always so mean.”

Ben made a non-commital noise in reply. She wasn’t wrong, Hux _was_ mean to her. From the moment Ben told Hux about the apprentice he’d brought Luke from Jakku, Hux had disapproved. First, because she’d sent Ben home battered and bruised and then, later, because Ben started going to _her_ with his problems. (The ones Hux never wanted to hear about or help with). As a result, Hux behaved jealously around Rey, always speaking in subtle jabs. It should’ve bothered Ben that they so disliked each other, but it didn’t. In retrospect, Ben realized that Hux was such a contained part of his life that their conflict had never bled into Ben’s everyday. That realization hurt.

“Poe says his brother is even worse.” Rey continued.

“What?” He asked blankly. What did Hux’s estranged brother have to do with anything?

“Yeah.” Rey said, “They met when Poe was working for your mom.” Poe’s brief, inglorious, stint as Senator Organa’s personal aide was something of which they did not speak but, for once, Ben didn’t object to the mention. _“Colonel Brendol Hux Jr._ apparently has even more of a stick up his ass than your Hux. Poe said he jumps when his dad says jump and crawls when his dad says crawl. Oh – and apparently his wife is the ugliest thing Poe’s ever set eyes on but Jr. married her anyway because his dad ordered him too. Something about salt mines and funding a weapons project.” Rey leaned back into Ben. “It’s pretty sad when you think about it. A grown man stuck under his father’s boot like that.”

“Yeah.” Ben said, suppressing the panic creeping at the corner of his mind. “Pretty sad.” He hoped Rey couldn’t tell he was shaking.

“At least Hux isn’t like that.” Rey said. Then, more tentatively, feeling how Ben had tensed at her back, “Right?”

Ben didn’t respond. Verbally or otherwise. He thought again of how Hux’s hand had felt in his own all those years ago on Hosnian Prime. He thought of the long straight line of Brendol Hux Sr.’s back. The disgusted curve of his lip. The fact that Ben had only ever met Phasma and Hux’s staff and the occasional business contact Hux had joked about impressing by bringing _Senator Organa’s son_ as his arm candy _._

Everything, everything, was starting to make sense. Rey seemed to follow his line of thought, as she too suddenly tensed in alarm. “Oh no. No, Ben, is that -? Are you? I’m sure it’s not like that. You’ve been together for _years_.”

Ben didn’t realize he was crying until Rey turned around to hold him.

*

In the morning, after having slept on the floor of Rey’s room, Ben flew straight to Hosnian Prime. Despite years of arguments and many attempts to assert his independence Ben was still, at heart, his Mother’s baby boy. And after thirty some odd years of dealing with him, his mother’s security staff knew better than to stop Ben from barging into her office.

Leia, who could read Ben’s moods with barely a glance, (and who had received an alarming series of messages from Rey), swept him into her arms as soon as she saw him. Ben fell into her hug and then, when she sat down on the divan by her window, he all but collapsed into her lap like he’d he forgotten that he was no longer small enough to fit there.

“Well,” Leia finally prodded after Ben had been sulking into her shoulder for a good ten minutes, “what happened?”

And it all tumbled out of Ben at once, in an inarticulate mess that Leia somehow managed to follow. As she ran her fingers through his hair, soothing him as best she could, he told her of how Han had implied Hux loved his work more than he loved Ben. How Hux had sounded half hysterical at the prospect of Ben _potentially_ wanting to get married. How Phasma had stated, outright, that Hux could move on now if he was done _using_ Ben. How Hux had _left_. How Hux had lied. And how Rey, because she was the smart one in their relationship, had connected the dots that Ben had missed.

When he was finally done, Leia sighed loudly. This, _this_ was why Han Solo found himself on the short end of her temper so often. Loving fathers didn’t always equate _competent_ fathers. But that was a thought for another time.

“Ben,” She asked gently, “forget what anyone else said for a second, huh? Tell me, before Luke’s wedding, did you ever feel like Hux was using you?”

Ben chewed his lip. “I… I don’t know?”

Leia snorted. “Try again.”

“I don’t!” Ben sighed, mullish. “You know what I’m like Mom. I’m strong in the Force but I’m not like… empathetic or whatever. Even Uncle Chewy makes fun of me for being slow on the uptake sometimes.” Leia hid the amused twitch of her mouth as Ben stopped to think. “He… he’s never, like, used my credits or anything like that.” If anything, Hux was the one who enjoyed spoiling Ben and Millie. Always upgrading Ben’s personal racers and adding new puzzles to Millie’s play room. “And he only asked to meet you that one time – you remember – when Poe did the thing.” Unable to help herself, Leia laughed at the memory. “Mom! This isn’t funny.”

“I know son. I know.” She squeezed him in apology.

“But like… he also never goes anywhere with me except for work dinners or your election functions. And when he does come out he won’t hold my hand because his dad told him not to one time. And he hates my friends.” Not that he had many friends beyond Rey and a few of the Jedi he'd trained with for a few brief years. Ben seemed to collapse in on himself. “Mom, what if… what if he’s just… being nice to me because I like him and his dad told him to like, _be accommodating_?”

Leia rested her cheek against the top of Ben’s head without replying. From what Leia had seen, Armitage Hux didn’t have an altruistic bone in his body, and he was more possessive (and protective) of Ben than seemed healthy. Leia couldn’t say for certain that she approved of Hux, but she very much doubted that he was the same sort of sniveling, boot licking yes-man as his brother. She also doubted he had the emotional range to fake caring about Ben to go unnoticed for this long.

“You know,” Leia said, “when I first met your father he was… well, he was a criminal. And not a particularly successful one.” Ben straightened, listening. “A spoiled princess from Aldereen must’ve seemed like an easy meal ticket to him. He was handsome enough to turn a girl’s heads back then and he knew it. But the more time we spent together… well, the more he couldn’t hide who he really was.”

“A money grubbing smuggler with a drinking problem?” Ben asked, confused.

Leia rolled her eyes. “A stubborn asshole with no impulse control and a soft spot for orphans a mile wide.”

“So you… you never worried he was just using you? Back then.”

“I mostly worried I’d lose my temper and shove him out an airlock one day.” Leia answered honestly.

Ben snorted.

“What I’m saying is, you’ve been with Hux for seven years now son. If he were using you, in your heart of hearts, whether you wanted to admit it or not, you would know.” Leia gently lifted Ben’s chin. “Don’t you think?”

Ben’s face was the picture of miserable confusion. But as he opened his mouth to answer, the door to Leia’s office opened and security personnel began pouring in.

In an instant, Ben had leapt to his feet and taken a defensive stance with light saber in hand.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Leia asked.

A middle-aged man in a smart gray uniform immediately came to attention. “Protocol 13 Ma’am.” He announced.

Leia cursed.

“Where?” She asked.

“In the main assembly hall."

Ben looked back and forth between his mother and her head of security, powering down his light saber when he realized that there was no immediate threat. Around him, the security staff appeared to be checking the room and securing the windows.

“Protocol 13?” He asked, stepping aside so that he was beside Leia rather than in front of her.

“An assassination.” Leia explained briefly, “Who?”

“We’ve lost the Senator from Arkanis Ma’am.”

Through the rush of blood in his ears, Ben heard Leia curse. She asked more questions, questions like _who_ and _how_ and _when_ but Ben wasn’t listening any more. Brendol Hux Sr. was dead. Which meant that Hux, if he really did want to leave Ben, was now free to go.  
  
Ben wondered who would get Millie in the breakup. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for all the exposition - I realized as I was writing this that I hadn't done enough world building in the first chapter to jump into the action in this chapter like I'd originally planned and found myself making up the difference. : / (This is why I usually write one shots).
> 
> I promise that Hux will actually show up in person and *interact in real time* with Ben in the next chapter.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are loved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Hux ran away from me a bit and I really should have cut most of this but since it's been so long since the last post, I figured posted was better than perfected.

Ben managed another four days on Hosnia Prime before he was forced to admit that he was being more of a hindrance than a help to his mother. She already had a full contingent of bodyguards and she was stronger than him in the force even without formal training. More over, her senate apartment was not designed to house as many people as were staying in it at present. Luke, Mara, Han, and Chewy had also arrived on Leia’s doorstep once Brendol Hux’s assassination made its way across the holonet and Ben was fairly certain that if they didn’t start leaving, his mother was going to start murdering them one by one; between Luke and Han’s hovering, Mara’s steely over protectiveness, and Ben’s own violent moping, it was a wonder Leia got anything done at all from one day to another. (There was also an avoiding of gazes between Ben’s parents that had Luke and Chewy snickering whenever their backs were turned. Ben refused to analyze _that_ particular gem for the sake of his own sanity.)

So instead of moping on his mother’s sofa, Ben decided he would return to moping in his own empty house. Because Hux had yet to make contact. With anyone. (Even the press release sent out to the media, asking that Hux's privacy be respected in this time of grief, had clearly been penned by the ever efficient Mitaka). This was the longest they’d gone without speaking to each other since the day they met and though he would die before admitting it, the amount of silent crying Ben had done over this had left his eyes and nose almost perpetually red. Ben didn’t know how he was going to win Hux back when he looked like a labradoodle with a head cold, but then again, how could you win someone back if you’d never had them in the first place?

Hux, because he existed to vex Ben, finally - _finally -_ sent a message when Ben was an hour out from their house. _Home. We should talk. Sorry about being out of touch,_ was not a reassuring message to receive. The lack of an, _I've missed you,_ anywhere in the missive only made things worse. Ben was surprised that breaking up with him superseded Brendol's funeral arrangements but then, Ben supposed, that's what younger brother's were for.

The next hour was both the longest and shortest of Ben’s life. When he at last opened the door to their home – to what _had been_ their home – Ben was braced for Hux at his coldest. Possibly with a bag already packed. And a snifter of Brandy in hand. For dramatic effect. (Ben hoped Rey wouldn’t mind holding on to Millie for a few more days. Then wondered if she'd move in a while so that the house wouldn't seem so empty. Assuming Hux let him have the house.)

To Ben’s surprise, when he finally walked through the front door, hands shaking, Hux… Hux acted as if everything were normal. Well, almost normal.

"Oh good you're home." Hux said as soon as caught sight of Ben in the entry way. "Don't take off your coat. We have dinner reservations." Hux took Ben by one of his hands – no longer shaking due to sheer astonishment – and led him right back out to their speeder. Uncharacteristically, Hux didn’t let go of his hand the second their front door closed as was his wont. In fact, he kept holding on to Ben's hand even once they were seated.

Hux was wearing full formal dress. Dark gray and freshly pressed. He wore a lavender tie around his neck, a concession to mourning colors for Brendol's loss. Ben drank in the sight of him.  Hux looked… different tonight. His hair was parted rather than gelled straight back. And his eyes lacked the dark circles that usually plagued him after a business trip. (But of course Hux hadn’t been on a business trip at all.)

“How was home?” Ben asked quietly, Hux had yet to meet his eyes.

“Rainy.” Was all Hux said. And that, too, was unusual. Hux rarely came home from a trip without bitching about every little inconvenience and then giving Ben the third degree; asking after everything from how often he’d flossed to whether he’d tried whichever modification Hux had suggested for one of his speeders. Ben’s stomach felt like it was made of ice. Did that mean Hux didn’t care any more? That whatever little care he’d felt for Ben was really gone now? Was a week on Arkanis really enough to wash away seven years of -.

"Hux,” Ben found himself whispering, “I -."

"No, don't."

"What?"

"Don't say anything. Please." Hux took a deep breath, still not meeting Ben’s eyes. "I know I've neglected you. I'm sure you have things to say. I know this past week was inexcusable. But just… let me take you to dinner. Please. And we can talk after. I can explain everything."

Ben felt floored. Hux never said please. Not like he _meant it._ Unable to string together a sentence, Ben nodded. Hux finally gave up on picking cat hairs off of Ben’s suit. (Not fully formal like Hux’s, but sufficient for being seen in the Senate chamber with his mother. Good enough, Ben guessed, for whatever restaurant they were going to.)

They passed the ride in silence, hands clasped. Hux bounced his knee with uncharacteristic nervous energy and Ben took deep, steadying breaths to keep from crying.

When they finally pulled up outside of Hux’s restaurant of choice, Ben felt his eyes water. The Metronome. Hux was going to break up with him at the _Metronome_ , the over priced, celebrity-filled, den of _boredom_ in which they had first met. Ben felt his joints lock when Hux opened the door. When Hux started to get out, Ben pulled him back.

"Ben?" Hux asked, meeting his eyes for the first time that night.

"I -." Ben paused, collected himself. He didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to be the one to start the conversation. But better to start it here than have this conversation in there. No doubt Hux wanted to do this in public on the vain hope that an audience might do something to deter Ben's temper. "I don't want to go in there."

"You -. But I -. You -."

"I already know why we're here Hux."

Hux just looked puzzled now. Devastatingly puzzled. Apparently _he_ thought Ben was slow on the uptake too. He searched Ben’s face, saw the resignation therein.

Hux's eyes went wide. "You _knew_?"

"Yes." Ben sighed, looked down at his shoes. "And I promise I won't make a scene."

"A scene." If Ben had looked up, he'd have seen Hux steeling himself, shoulders pulling back like they did when he felt particularly small and threatened.

"Yeah. I… I won't throw a tantrum. We don't need to do this in public. I get it, ok? I figured it out last week. And now he's dead so you don't have to pretend any more and - and I get it. It's ok. I understand. I… I know why you did it. I-."

Ben found himself abruptly pushed back, Hux practically falling into his lap as he slammed the door closed behind him.

"Not so loud! Are you an idiot? That street is surveilled. Anyone might've heard." Hux tapped something on the control panel to program the speeder to loop around the block. "Why the hell would you bring that up in public? Tonight of all nights?" Then he grumbled, “It was just one small murder. You do that all the time.”

"What?"

"What, What?"

"What does that mean?” Quite abruptly, Ben felt as if he’d lost the plot. “ _One small murder_?" He added

"You just said you knew -!"

"I know what I said!"

"Then why are you?"

"Who _exactly_ do you think I've _murdered_?" Ben shouted. And then more quietly, “And who did -?”

Hux's stare was unimpressed. "Are we still pretending that I don't know you're Kylo Ren?" Ben froze.

Kylo Ren was the Senate's mostly closely guarded secret. So guarded, in fact, that only one Senator knew who he was or how to contact him. Ren, a Vadar-like force user who operated entirely in the shadows, was more whisper than man. And Hux knew that Ben was his alter ego.

Ben’s mother was going to kill him. And then Luke was going to kill _her_ for raising Ben to occasionally flirt with the dark side. And then his Dad was going to bring them all back from the dead so he could yell at them for not having let him in on it.

"How do you know that?" Ben whispered hoarsely.

Hux sighed and ran his hands over his face.

"I'm serious!" Ben said. "I even switch out my light saber for one I made using my Grandfather's Kyber. How did you know that I - uh…"

"Run around the galaxy killing people for your mother?" Hux asked wryly.

"Hux!"

"Ben!" Hux mocked.

"I'm serious!"

"So am I."

The ensuing silence lasted all of a minute.

"… who exactly do you think does our laundry?" Hux finally asked.

"The laundry droid."

"And who do you think altered its code to stop said laundry droid from reporting all the blood stains you bring home to the authorities?"

"Oh."

"Yes oh."

Ben’s thoughts were darting back and forth so fast that he didn’t know what to say next. From, ' _how long have you known?'_ to _'who did you kill?'_ To ' _why The Metronome?'_ To, finally, the most awful possibility of all.

“Is that why you've stayed with me all this time?" Ben asked softly, staring again at his feet, "Because you were afraid I'd kill you if you tried to leave me?"

Hux’s face, when Ben looked up, was the picture of confusion. "What," he asked, "are you _talking about?_ I find you about as intimidating as one of Millie's hairballs and you know that. YOU are the one who brought up killing my father and can we PLEASE stop talking about this so we don’t miss our reservation? If you don’t let me pro - !"

"When did I bring up your father?" Ben asked in genuine confusion.

"When you -." Hux stopped suddenly, as if catching up to their conversation at last. "Wait." He went silent suddenly, looked at Ben and then looked down, elbows resting on his knees, fingers steepled, chin on his index fingers. Ben recognized this as his thinking pose.

As numerous fights and arguments had taught him, Ben knew that the only thing to do when Hux got like this was to wait. Ben counted to fifty in his head and held still. After Ben's second count of fifty, Hux looked up. "You said… earlier, you said that you knew and that I don't have to pretend anymore, now that he's dead. You were talking about my father correct?" Ben nodded. "Alright." Hux hesitated. "What were you referring to? What have I been pretending?"

Ben swallowed. So they had come to it at last. Ben opened his mouth. Coughed.

He'd been thinking about this conversation for days now. About the million ways he could say this. He'd played so many moments of their relationship over and over in his head. Thought about begging and pleading. Thought about being cold and angry. Thought about faking dignity. But in the end, Ben realized he couldn't do any of that because at heart, Ben really was Han Solo's son: He wanted 100% of the person he loved, or none of them at all.

"When I came home the other night, from Luke's wedding," A wedding that felt like it had happened years ago now, "I heard the tail end of your conversation with Phasma" Hux startled. "It put a lot of things into perspective." Ben's mouth was dry. His hands were shaking from the adrenaline. "I started… I started to spend a lot of time thinking. About us. About - about the way you approached me at that dinner when we - when we met. And about how you couldn't wait to leave the next morning until I told you my name." Hux's eyes were growing round, Ben forced himself not to look at them. "And how I've never even _met_ your brother. Or had a meal with your father. And… And it all started to make sense once I found out about your sister in law.” From the corner of his eye, Ben could see Hux’s mouth hanging open.

“Poe calls her the ugliest rich woman he’s ever seen. And Bren…” Ben made a gesture at Hux, knowing that it had long been a sore point how much more handsome everyone considered Bren. “Bren likes to please people. Your father especially. And I know you aren’t… exactly like him – but your father was dynastic and a dynasty needs allies. And when I heard what Phasma said about you using me for Mom’s connections it just… made sense. That your father might’ve ordered you to… be nice to me. And if you knew I was Kylo…” Ben let his sentence drift off, finding the idea that Hux was afraid to leave too abhorrent to voice twice. He took a shaky breath. "But you’re free now, and you can make your own choices. You don't… you don't have to stay with me anymore if he was making you. I…I promise to respect your choices." He recited. _But I'm keeping Millie_ he didn't add. Because this was hard enough.

The speeder descended into silence again. Ben wondered how many times they'd circled the block now and how long it would be before a traffic droid came to ask if they were experiencing a malfunction.

"My brother," Hux said at last, because it was the thing that required the least thought, "married Henrietta Vallenlalie the third because she's as crazy about water spaniels as he is." Ben was startled into making eye contact. "They have _seven_ of them with a liter on the way and he'd love her just the same if she were penniless and looked like the ass end of a Hutt. Bren has his flaws but I assure you he is _disgustingly_ besotted with his wife. Dameron is a moron. I've told you before that talking to him will rot your brain."

Hux’s face was blotchy, turning almost purple with rage, “And how dare you. How DARE YOU imply that I would… that I would _whore myself_ for my _useless_ father’s weak ambitions!”

“But you -.”

Hux continued over him. “Yes, I’ll admit, I only slept with you that first night because – well - .” And here he rather clearly gestured at Kylo’s dick. “I noticed _that_. And yes, I’ll admit it, I changed my mind about leaving the next morning because you were _Ben Organa_ but then you beat the ever loving _life_ out of that reporter for calling me an _imperialist whore_ on our second date and then you _got me a kitten_ to apologize for making a scene and I – I just -. Do you have any idea how over the top both those things were?” Hux threw up his hands, “You liked me. You actually liked me even though I was stiff and skinny and my father was an imperialist remnant. And I – that - I was defeated by your sheer kriffing weirdness and your mother was never going to help me _anyway_ and I – I can’t _believe_ you – he - .” Running out of words, Hux screamed - actually screamed - in frustration. He had never done that before. Concerned, Ben moved from the seat onto the floor so that he could lean closer, with both his hands on Hux’s shoulders.

“Breath.” Ben whispered, worry clear on his face. But Hux just brushed him off.

“My father _hated_ that I was with you.” Hux said, “He wanted heirs. From both me and Bren. He swore he’d have Henrietta killed if I didn’t fall in line soon and I hate it when Bren gets all sobby so, yes, I convinced him that I was using you and yes, Phasma was in on it to help sell that claptrap. But I – and you -.” Hux was crying now, “You were always so devoted and you kept – you always talked about your parents divorce like it was the worst thing either of them had ever done and then about how glad you were when Luke finally proposed to Mara and how family was important and I just -.” Hux seemed to be about to hyperventilate. “I just wanted to marry you, you sodding idiot.”

"Oh."

"YES OH." Ben rose a little on his knees, as much as the limited space in the speeder would allow, pulling Hux to him until Hux was sobbing into his shoulder and wiping snot on his lapels. Ben’s was honestly over loaded with information right now and his body was flooded with relief at knowing that Hux didn’t actually hate him and wasn’t actually about to leave him and that the last week had all been in Ben's head. He was glad Hux couldn’t see the dorky grin he was no doubt sporting.

Rey was going to laugh at him so much when he told her about this.

Hux cried for a few minutes more and, even as he ran his hands in soothing circles across Hux’s back, Ben wished he could take a picture because Hux always denied crying after the fact.

"So?" Hux asked a few minutes later, nose still buried in Ben’s neck.

"… huh?"

"So will you marry me or not Ben Organa?"

"Oh."

"WHAT DOES THAT -."

Ben giggled at the rise in the pitch of Hux’s voice.

“BEN ORGANA – SO HELP ME, I WILL -.”

Ben silenced him with a kiss. A very snotty kiss. Ben would be needing a handkerchief in a few minutes. When he pulled away at last, he smiled sweetly at Hux’s puffy red eyes. "I'm yours. If you need a marriage to believe that, then we’ll get married."

“Really?” Hux asked, looking half hopeful and half afraid.

“Really.” When Hux dove back in for another kiss, Ben let him. He didn’t even complain about the snot.

By the time one of the local traffic droid’s came to ask whether they were experiencing a speeder malfunction, Ben was too naked – and too close to an orgasm - to care about their missed reservation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And… this is done. It needs some rewrites, (like a lot), but we're going to call it done for now. (There might be an epilogue at some point but that will mostly feature Han and Leia being a hot mess at the wedding). Thanks for reading my attempt at writing something different from what's comfortable for me.
> 
> Next up, I have a long, plot driven AU story that's a fair bit darker and much more in my comfort zone as a writer. Hope to see some of you reading when I post. 
> 
> Comments, concrit, and kudos are love. <3.


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